21 October 2008

The Purge

To get my head out of places it shouldn't be I've been trying to stay organized, and most importantly, have been attempting to stay busy.

They say "a clean room, a clean mind". Lord knows I need both. Those close know how I like to stay tidy in my own weird way. Well, if you've visited in the past month you've witnessed the downfall of any sort of clarity both by the state of my mind and the state of my room.

I finally cleaned up.

This year I've tried the minimalist approach. When I get my own place I know exactly what I want and, depending on the structure of the room, what I'd like it to look like.


I'm having a difficult time trying to not think about it all. Deeply rooted, it was something I've always dreamed of. When the situation finally fell into the groove, I fell into a rush (see: high) that I didn't want to end. Two forces running parallel can either run into each other and morph into one singular energy, or separate for good.* It's too bad it went the latter.

If anything positive came out of it, it's knowing that I tried. It was one of those cases where I afraid that if I didn't do anything I'd wonder for the rest of my life "What if?" and we've all been there before. Regret. A false sense of hope. Grief. Heartache. Heartbreak. Remorse. The case was too important for me to just stand by so I moved it along. Maybe I could've waited. Preconditions were met beforehand and one of them was the possibility of an abrupt end. Luckily, mostly everything was shared and I was able to enjoy one last hoorah, if only for a moment.

I'm taking this entire ordeal much better than I thought I would. Although today feels worse compared to yesterday, I can't help but be excited for what tomorrow will bring.

"In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it take to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps."

*There's always the possibility of them returning to a closer proximity.

1 comment:

  1. I like that quote at the end --- where is it from?

    Anyway, props to you for giving it a shot and not succumbing to the WHAT IFs. Wish I could be as brave as you...